When your kids are anxious, here’s a great motto: Support Don’t Fix.
When your kids are anxious, here’s a great motto: Support Don’t Fix.
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Every kid is feeling the effects of the world right now in some way. When the whole world goes through a collective experience, you can’t help but feel it no matter where you are.
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It’s no surprise then if there are signs of stress and anxiety:
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In little kids it could look like being teary, or having tantrums, or eyes look flat, or aches and pains or super-clingy or hyperactivity.
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In older kids it could look like being more sensitive, slamming doors, or talking back, or more aches and pains, or difficulty focusing.
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In teenagers it could look like spending way more time in their room, anger outbursts, or lack of interest, or headaches, or belly aches, or attention issues.
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In adults, it could look like yelling, crying, difficulty thinking, or memory issues, or irritable bowel, or fatigue, or forgetfulness, or difficulty concentrating.
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Of course, there’s lots of overlap and there are no real defined ages or defined responses for how you are supposed to feel right now.
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It can be so hard to see your kid(s) go through uncomfortable emotions.
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They are grieving (as we are) for an old life. Not that things can’t or won’t get better. It’s just that the old way was familiar. With the drastic changes in the world, no one’s life is the same. It’s understandable to be grieving right now on many layers.
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There is nothing to “fix.” You can’t ask them or make them be happy. If you do start trying to fix their emotional response, then they often start thinking that there is something wrong with them. They may shift what they show you to help make YOU feel more comfortable.
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There is nothing wrong with feeling grief.
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Instead, bring a loving awareness to the process — a nonjudgmental acknowledgement.
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For your kid, that means that you embrace them just as they are. You show them that you are OK with them and love them even if they are going through something uncomfortable. In this sacred space of love and total acceptance, they will feel more free to process what they are going through.
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Instead of “oh no! I need/want you to be happy!” (which can feel like there’s something wrong, something to fix)
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You could simply LISTEN. Hold sacred space. Not all of it has to be filled with answers.
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We don’t have the why and the explanation for the miracles and inner-workings of the universe. This is a given. How can you settle into the OK-ness of that unknown?
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Practice sitting and feeling OK with the discomfort in a loving way.
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There’s nothing your kids can experience that will make you stop loving them.
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Let them feel that huge, ginormous, infinite love.
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Practice with yourself too- to feel that universe embracing you even in times of pain. So that you know that you are OK even when you hurt. Your feelings and experiences do not make you any less lovable nor any less loved.
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And yes, of course, you can help in other ways. But keep the motto:
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SUPPORT DON’T FIX
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Much love.
Dr. Dijamco
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